The Exorcist: Still Possessing Girls

Fuck Paranormal Activity, because I haven't seen it yet. And fuck vampires, zombies, and people in masks, because the scariest thing this Halloween is Catholics.

Last night was the first time I watched The Exorcist in its entirety. I'm 23, and I've wasted all of my previous years fearing things like fire and rapists, when all along, I could have used God to give me the creeps.

Remember the good ol' Testament, when God smote the world with floods and murderous Abrahams? Well The Exorcist taps into that same market, utilizing the fear of God and his counterpart, Satan, to instill a supernatural terror in its many viewers.

Having seen the film 36 years after its original release, many plot points were spoiled. For example, I knew that Regan MacNeil (Linda Blair) was the one who would be possessed. So I watched the opening sequences with Father Merrin (Max Von Sydow) in Iraq and I anxiously thought, "Where's the demon bitch at?" But as the movie plays out, and the climax welcomes back Father Merrin to help perform the exorcism, it all pays off in a happy vomiting death match.

So if you're one of the 30 or so people who still haven't seen The Exorcist, see it. Because it's an original, truly horrifying movie. And it makes Vincent Price look like a kid in a bed sheet.