Save the Date

This article is one that I wrote for the RA newsletter called the BFA (Big Fun Always). I know, BFA is the dumbest name you've ever heard. That's okay, because the name wasn't my idea. Anyways, I apologize ahead of time for the inside jokes that you probably don't understand because you were never employed by Seattle University's Housing and Residence Life department. But believe me, I'd rather have missed a couple of jokes than to have had to be an RA again. Nonetheless, here it is:

"Summertime is right around the corner, and I can smell the excitement oozing out of all your little RA pores. I know you’ve already got barbecues, picnics, and road trips packed into your planners, paving way to a relaxing few months before another hectic school year. But I’m sure the one thing that you’re the most excited to finally have time for is dating.

For those of you who might feel a little rusty when throwing out the pick-up lines, you’re not alone. Nine months of saying nothing more than “shut up, it’s quiet hours” can definitely take its toll on ones social skills. And let’s face it – getting told to “shut up” isn’t the biggest turn on. But fear no more; your good friend, Wilfred, is well versed in dating books and John Cusack movies, therefore making me the most credible person next to Mr. Cusack himself.

An easy way to segue into flirtation is to apply your program advertising skills. It’s simple. Instead of saying “you should check out Jesu-What this Thursday,” you replace the words “Jesu-What” with something that people actually want to do. Try a movie, or perhaps a dinner. This will get the potential Mr. or Mrs. You thinking you’re more fun than a ball-pit.

I know that even just the asking goes easier said than done. So if you’re as timid as your typical RA, you can always use the good ol’ sympathy card. Break the ice with a simple statement like “We put my dog to sleep” or “My friend has cancer.” Then ask the apple of your eye on that date while they’re still feeling sorry for you. If they have any ounce of sympathy within them, the date should be in the bag.

Once the date is set up, all you have to do is spend a lovely evening tricking him or her into believing that you’re a person worth seeing. Target their insecurities – it’ll get them more emotionally involved. Do so carefully, using the tactic that I call “lying.” Say things like “I like people that are kind of ‘crazy’,” or “being pigeon-toed is so cute.” This will get them thinking that you’re the only one that can appreciate who they really are.

Speaking of lies, the one that will really impress your date is a technique called “name dropping.” This is a very dangerous way to lie, so try to do it in the most casual manner. Slip in phrases like “My uncle, Harrison Ford, is in that movie.” That will get you at least twenty minutes of quality conversation. And fabricate a story, mentioning last Thanksgiving when “he burnt the corn fritters.” After this, your date will be wondering why they hesitated to date you in the first place.

But remember, the most important rule is to be yourself. Let out that witty, intelligent RA for the whole world to see. And think about this, if you’re more than qualified to be a DA, I think you can manage a date or two. So get on out there – those guys and gals are looking for that special someone, and you seem to fit the description."

*That picture is one of my friends John Bush, Zach Waud and I at an RA banquet. That's why it is fitting.

Education, Going South

Congratulations! You are officially the only one who has ever read this blog. But since you're here, why not kick off your shoes and make yourself comfortable? I'll promise to try and keep this entertaining, if you promise me a future career in writing. Let's get started.

This is a little piece I wrote for a social justice newsletter that we have here on Seattle University called "The Catalyst". The theme for this particular edition was focused on the achievement gap in education. More facts about the gap will be soon to come.

"Here we are complaining about David Stern taking our Sonics away, while we in Seattle haven’t seen a basketball game since Shawn Kemp’s first arrest. Let’s face it – the Sonics barely existed in our latte drinking, American Apparel wearing lives. Maybe if we had put down our Starbucks and picked up some garlic fries, we wouldn’t be waving goodbye to our beloved Sonics.

If you want to understand the achievement gap in our educational system, think about what we’ve done to the Sonics. Think about those kids at Meany Middle school that need your encouragement and support. Think about their chances of getting to college without our help. And think about yourself, twenty years from now, complaining about your osteoporoses and the next president, George Bush VIII.

We can find a cure for osteoporoses, and a way to stop George Bush VIII. All you have to do is invest a little time in the children of our community. Tutor through Children’s Literacy Project, Treehouse or the First Generation Project. And tell your friends to do it too. Because the Sonics didn’t lose the 1996 NBA Finals to the Chicago Bulls because you made it to Game 6 – they lost because your friend didn’t (and because man-to-man is hard to pull when Jordan is on the other team).

So come help us out at the local schools, because these kids don’t want to move to Oklahoma. They like it here."